Surviver’s Guilt

I wake up late, on a comfy bed with a medicated mattress, on my left is my healthy daughter, the most beautiful image in the world, gazing into my eyes, asking me to get her milk, my husband has already  left for office, he loves me and thus exemplifies it by not waking me up. Alhumdulillah, living in the New Capital of the World, I have nothing to complain about, and so, I wake up everyday, with a survivor’s guilt.

While the Power Brokers, the masters  of the World decide who to keep and who to dispense with, whether by malnutrition  or by a drone, I sit on the fence and think, why have i not been targeted as yet? I do not have the courage to fight against the mighty, neither the strength  to be with the oppressed maybe that is the reason that my path is on the fence, but for how long?

‘The worst place in hell is reserved for those, who stay quiet in the time of moral crisis’, and yet I am quiet, I feel the pain and then go into denial, as the ‘moral crises’, have always been and will always be, and I just thank God that I am not affected by it, but for how long?
In my 1st degree set of contacts, there is none being sold into slavery, or is in a boat in the middle of the ocean, with nowhere to go, or has been killed in a drone attack, by the enemy’s missile or a suicide bomber, but for how long….

Interacting with toddlers

Had to record  an experience. I have a daughter 2 and a half, and alhumdulillah very adorable and extremely friendly. A couple of days back I decided to use the bus, it was overall a good experience but I got a little concerned about how ppl interact with little ones.

I am all for smiles and talking, and when we eat out the staff sometimes picks her up but at the same time they interact with us too, but in this case I was waiting for the bus at the bus stop and a guy came and sat besides us, he never intracted with me but started playing with my daughter and to get her attention he would touch her hand instead of calling out to her. I had no clue what to do, it would have been rude to ask him not to play or touch and he seemed like a decent guy, may be a tourist. It wasn’t him in particular I was concerned about but the after effects, we know we r not perverts but toddlers don’t, for her if I allow one stranger to touch her that means strangers are perfectly safe, she is too little to be told how to interact with different types of people.

My request is, please interact with parents if u really want to hug the little ones or just keep your interaction with toddlers restricted to smiles, and please share the request with your family, men and women both.

Thank you

December 17, 2014

In Roman Urdu

Aik chingari poorey bagh ko jala ke raakh ker deti hai. Humara tou gulistan pehley hi murjhaya hua tha ke kuch phool jou baqi thay wou bhi nazreaatish hou gaye. Kash ke aag, aur aag se bujh jaya kerti, lekin aisa houta nahi.

aag kahan ye dekhti hai ke wouu jo jala rahi hai wou phool hein ya kaantay, phal hai ya lakri, wou tou buss jalaana janti hai, uss ka koi thikana nahi jahan wapis chali jaye, hawa aur pani ki tarhan. Wou tou wahin rehti hai jahan jalai jai aur barhti hai uss waqt tuk jub tuk ussay kuch jalanay kou milay, jub sub jala ke rakh ker deti hai tub khud bhi dhuuan hou jati hai.

Aur ye nafrat ki aag hum sub mein jal rahi hai, buss rung mukhtalif hein.

Kabhi lagta hai ke jesey humein koi buddua lag gayi hou, shaid maghfirat mangnay se aag bujh jaye.

Dua hai ke hir bachay ke sir pe uss ke baap ka sayya barqaraar rahay aur her maan ki goud bhari rahay.

Why write?

I have always wanted to write, my thoughts, emotions, feelings, my own reasoning about everything that exists, but lately it seems that is something everyone wants to do and I am not an original thinker. So that thought always kind of pulls me out of the thinking to write mode and I get busy with my hosehold chores, my daughter or just plain old candy crush.

One day I will.